99: How to set boundaries with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Rebecca Ray

You know what no one talks about with PCOS? The freakin’ mental and emotional strain it puts on you.

There’s information for yonks about how to remove those pesky dark hairs, lose stubborn weight, reduce and remove acne, grow back the hair you’ve lost, get your periods back and regular, trying to conceive but no one talks about the non-tangible problems that come along with it.

The depressive episodes because nothing is working, the negative self talk and self loathing, the overwhelm of trying to make changes, feeling judged others about always making lifestyle changes, trying to be perfect and on top of everything 24/7, getting everything done, feeling like you can’t stop judging yourself and looking at what’s gone wrong, feeling like you do waaaaay more than everyone else and yet they get better results than you, wondering if it’s just you, this is the way it’ll always be and it’s your fault.

Living with PCOS is draining when it’s out of control. Even when you are more on top of the physical symptoms, it can feel like an uphill battle sometimes. 

Most times I speak to patients, the hardest thing isn’t knowing what to do, it’s actually sticking to habits, maintaining boundaries with themselves and others and not getting bogged down with trying to be perfect all the time.

Enter the fabulous Dr Rebecca — a pilot turned clinical psychologist who has been through her fair share of struggles with self-worth, fear of judgement, feelings of failure, not feeling good enough and ineffective boundaries. Dr. Rebecca has dedicated her career as a psychologist to helping people, especially women, understand their worth and power, building a life with firm but flexible boundaries to help them align with their values and goals.

Judgement, fear, hopelessness, lacking self-worth, body image issues and poor boundaries are all things that can derail the great potential we have to get on top of our PCOS.

And like I said, the actual ‘doing’ bit is really hard so let’s talk about it!

In this episode of The PCOS Nutritionist Podcast, Dr. Rebecca and I talk about all things boundaries, effectively setting habits, respect, lifestyle change, perfectionism, protecting your peace, kindness, self compassion and judgement.

It’s a must listen — consider this your on-the-go habit and boundary guide!

This episode is for you if:

• You’re feeling overwhelmed on your PCOS journey
• You don’t feel like those around you respect your choices and changes
• You are the person that gives to everyone but you don’t feel like you have anything left to give for yourself
• Judging yourself and self-loathing is a habit you’d like to get out of but you don’t know how to
• You’d consider yourself a Type A person and/or a perfectionist
• You are keen to implement more kindness towards yourself and self compassion but don’t really know how to
• You want to establish better boundaries with yourself and others
• Others are judgemental about the lifestyle changes you’ve made for your PCOS and you’re not sure how to address these without being offensive, rude or causing drama

Some things we cover in this episode:

• Dealing with the opinions or disapproval of those around you on lifestyle changes 
• How to set boundaries around what you will and won’t tolerate from others about your PCOS journey
• Setting boundaries with people you live with
• How to identify if self sabotage is a type of inner dialogue we’re having and what you can do about it
• Tools you can implement to address the fear of being judged as well as judging yourself
• Why perfectionism happens and why it’s so dang hard to get out of that mindset
• Approaching tasks that feel ‘too hard’ and dealing with feelings of overwhelm
• Self compassion and simple, actionable ways to incorporate more self compassion and kindness towards yourself (when it feels so far from how you’re currently feeling about yourself)
• Balancing lifestyle changes while leading a busy lifestyle
• Top 3 things to help you establish better boundaries with yourself and others

Resources and References:

• Dr Rebecca Ray’s website
• Rebecca’s ‘Setting Boundaries’ book and her other books
• Dr Rebecca’s Instagram
• My Book: Getting Pregnant with PCOS

Links to our programs:

• The PCOS Protocol
• Eggducated